Ah so it’s Easter aka a 4 day Bank Holiday weekend. Joy.
My Easter weekend last year consisted of drinking too much, being tucked up in bed by midnight and losing my glasses. Then popping down to Tesco Express in my pjs to purchase some Lindt bunnies.
The heating had also broke in my house and I was forced to visit my gym to shower. Peasant lifestyle.
Every Easter Bank Holiday weekend I vow to make the most of it, and to control my chocolate cravings yet this is what really happens…
1. THURSDAY MORNING – “4 DAY WEEKEND! I AM SO MAKING THE MOST OF THIS!”
No matter what you try to do, it is inevitable that you will sleep too much, and hate yourself on Tuesday when you get back to work for not making the most of your time.
2. “I’m going to monitor my chocolate consumption and spread out my Easter Eggs.”
You will eat all Easter Eggs in one sitting, and either vomit or poo yourself. Maybe even both?
3. “I’m going to watch all those special and important documentaries about nature and stuff on BBC 2.”
Why would you watch something about nature when you can watch Catfish all weekend?
4. “I’m not going to get stupidly drunk and then spend the rest of the time hungover…”
This is you precisely 23 minutes after leaving work on Thursday.
5. “I’m going to go to Church on Sunday.”
You wanted to go, you really did. But between the hangover and the Catfish marathon you couldn’t bring yourself to get out of bed. And of course you justified it with this golden nugget of Homer Simpson wisdom.
6. “I’m going to make an Easter feast from the Waitrose recipe section.”
You wanted to try that amazing recipe you really did. Then you remembered that you are shit at cooking and instead plod down to the chippy and get a kebab. Sorted.
7. “I’m going to book a last minute trip to Europe.”
You wanted to book that trip to Barcelona so you could plaster it all over your Instagram. But you failed, and instead you find yourself in Blackpool, in the rain and contemplating throwing yourself off the pier.
8. “I’m going to spend quality time with my family…”
Your intentions were good, until someone decided to organise a family Monopoly tournament. There is nothing like Monopoly to make you realise how annoying everyone you are related to truly is. As a result you end up spending the Bank Holiday weekend in separate rooms.
9. “I bet by Monday night i’ll be so rested for the week ahead!”
Happy Bank Holiday weekend! And Happy Easter!