To the Class of 2014:

Hi Grads!  You’ve graduated and as everyone keeps telling to you continuously ‘Oh! The places you will go!’ LOL – jk – no one tells you this. But what everybody tells you instead is how shit the economy is (recession bitches), how hard it is to buy a house (a bike shed in London now costs 1 million Roubles – fact) and also how much debt you are in.

But haters gonna’ hate and I’m here to share some wisdom with you all which you can read during your morning viewing of Jezza. I graduated two years ago and it was SHIT. It was shit because I didn’t know what I wanted to do, I couldn’t get a job and I ended up in a place I swore I would never go back to – a call centre.

Just a quick note on the call centre, it was working for the NHS. The pay was bollocks, the hours were fucked up and doing the late shift meant having to deal with perverts that would call and blatantly masturbate to any female voice. Winning!

The day of my graduation was a shambles. The mah-oosive robes didn’t flatter my 5ft 2” frame. My weave was itchy. The hat was too big and kept slipping off my head. I found myself gluing on fake eyelashes in the student union toilets, a place typically reserved for vomiting, drunken rambles and breakdowns.

To make it worse (yes it could get worse, and because this is my life and it always does get worse) I was called by the job centre asking me when I could come in to sign on and get me Giro. Not exactly the end of the educational journey that UCAS and The Sunday Times tell you about.

But anyways the struggle was real for a bit, but fast forward two years and I’ve steadily built my career in Marketing progressing from intern to assistant to now a Marketing Co-ordinator for a national beauty brand. So anyways here are some tips that may be useful to you to keep you going and also to fill that void after the news and before 60-minute makeover…

  1. Keep at it.

Landing a job is hard, landing a job you actually want is harder. Some days it will feel ridiculous that you’ve applied for so many jobs and not heard anything back – just keep trying and eventually one will happen for you. Also find anything remotely linked to what sort of job you want to do and purse it – volunteer, blog about it, even ring places and harass them until they notice you. I kept at it and I went from hopeless to a current job that I love, working with a lovely bunch of people.

  1. Ignore self-doubt. And dickheads.

Why let other people tell you that you’re shit when that lovely little voice of self-doubt will do it for you? Don’t be your biggest enemy by getting yourself down. But also don’t let other people make you feel like shit. These people are known dickheads and are identified as someone who will question your choices and your ability, whilst most likely parading their perfect life choices. These people are also known to be direct relations of Hitler, ignore them all at costs, in fact just ignore anyone who doesn’t make you feel good about yourself – ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat.

  1. Ignore the filters and hashtags.

Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are not your friend when it comes to feeling better about yourself. Is it really beneficial to stalk a fellow course mate who can’t just help but brag about how am-azing their new job and fancy lifestyle is? Especially whilst you’re sitting at home wearing odd socks eating jam on toast and listening to your mums latest beef with the next door neighbour? No.

It’s well known that everyone bullshits on social media, because we’re all competing to make out as though life is just plain fucking fantastic. I try to portray myself on Instagram as someone who travels about, parties, tries to eat healthy food and has nice winged eyeliner. Reality? I’m broke because I think it’s acceptable to have at least three holidays a year (no regrets), I party and usually end up a drunken mess with a horrendous hangover regretting my choices and the eating healthy? Ha! I’ve had half a pack of biscuits today and I’m half way to getting myself a Cornetto, mint choc, OBVS.

To cut it short – it’s all bullshit, don’t waste your time by looking at the ‘perfect’ life of someone else, and instead place focus on making yours a reality.

  1. Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’.

If you land a job and you don’t like it, or it isn’t what you thought it would, or basically it makes you want to drink at 9.01am on Monday morning don’t be afraid to admit this. Unless you win the lottery a job is something you will be doing for quite a while. I took my first job in Marketing and after two weeks realised I hated the company I worked for, and to this day I’m 99% sure that my Russian boss was part of a mental torture unit of the KGB. My regret? I wish I’d quit sooner.

I’ve learnt that if you do something you hate or settle because you’re too afraid of what will happen if you pass this chance you will be miserable. Do what makes you happy. Unsure? Always think of it in this way – if money was no object would you still be chasing the same dream?

  1. Always wear sunscreen.

Baz Luhrmann – listen to this to cheer up even the darkest days after signing on:

So go ahead and take the big leap – or at least try to pretend to be an actual grown up. Hang in there, deal with the shit and you will be amazed at how far you can go.

Until next time…x

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