30 THOUGHTS EVERY TWENTY-SOMETHING FEMALE HAS ON MONDAYS.

 Because nobody likes Monday. 

  1. FUCK! It’s Monday. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!
  2. Maybe I’ll just hit the snooze button and pretend for 5 minutes its still Sunday again?
  3. If I snooze for another 5 I won’t have time for make up – but with the extra time in bed I’ll look so good that I won’t even need it.
  4. I wonder if I can sneak onto the bus/train/tube without buying a ticket?
  5. Can’t wait to read The Metro – erm why does everyone have a copy but me?
  6. Shit! The ticket inspector is here – why didn’t I just buy a ticket?
  7. Eurgh – Monday morning small talk with co-workers exhausts me.
  8. Everyone is staring at me! Should have worn the make up.
  9. *Monday morning self pep talk* – ‘this week will be my most productive yet, watch out corporate structure I’m on my way to the top!
  10. 27 minutes later – scanning Buzzfeed/ Daily Mail/ Topshop ‘new in’ section.
  11. I wonder if Stuart from Finance will bring up the fact that I liked a photo on his Instagram from 17 weeks ago at 4am on Saturday morning?
  12. Goes to Greggs.
  13. Should I get a haircut? I could totally do it myself at home. Maybe I’ll just shave one side of my head?
  14. Facebook/ Instagram/ Twitter scan – why is everyone I know travelling around in Australia/ China/ Thailand/ America/ Europe?
  15. I’m a free spirit – I should travel the world.
  16. I could leave right now and go on an escapade worthy of a prize-winning novel.
  17. Checks Sky Scanner *heart breaks*
  18. God, Stuart from Finance is well fit.
  19. Stuart and me should get married.
  20. I wonder what Beyoncé is doing right now?
  21. I wish I were Beyoncé. Then no-one could stare at my make up free face, because obvs ‘I woke up like this #Flawless’.
  22. I fancy some chocolate. Am I on my period? When is my period even due?
  23. I’m totally going to the gym tonight.
  24. Finally work is over!
  25. Lucy has invited me for after work drinks – quick one before the gym will be totes fine.
  26. 11pm – how did it get so late? Where is my jacket?
  27. Better check Stuart’s Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram before going to bed.
  28. Who the hell is Janice? And why is she in a photo that Stuart uploaded 39 minutes ago with the caption ‘Bae’????
  29. Fuck it, at least Monday is over.
  30. I hate Tuesdays even more.

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