…aka your QLC dah-ling.
Welcome to your QLC, a shitty time where you don’t really quite know what is going on, and you’re trying pretty hard to at least pretend like you are a functioning adult with a job whilst wishing you could spend every weekend in bed watching Rugrats, Hey Arnold and of course Doug.
We’ve all heard of the mid-life crisis and we’ve seen the typical image of someone around about your dad’s age losing their shit and buying a Ferrari to deal with getting older. The QLC takes on a far more pitiful appearance as chances are you probably don’t have enough money to make yourself feel better with a Ferrari, but just enough pennies to stretch to a litre of Glen’s Vodka, Smirnoff or Grey Goose depending on how shitty your state really is.
So here’s a list of thoughts I bet you’ve had during your mini breakdown. It’s all good, we’ve all been there.
1. So erm…is this it?
2. Why are my *insert body object* starting to sag? This shouldn’t happen until I’m at least 30.
3. Should I freeze my eggs?/ Freeze my sperm?
4. Should I move to China?
5. Why is everyone moving to Australia? Should I just go there instead?
6. What is up with my job…maybe I should quit and volunteer somewhere instead.
7. I should totally go on Big Brother/ X Factor/ Britain’s Got Talent.
8. Oh fuck! I’m not talented enough.
9. How is *random peer/associate/colleague/someone you stalk on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram* so successful at my age?
10. Seriously though…what is up with my job?
11. I bet I could go somewhere like the Amazon jungle and just live there without having to worry about rent.
12. I should go to *random EU country with a beach* and become a travel rep.
13. Am I too old for Topshop/Topman?
14. What’s a pension plan?
15. Why does no-one understand just why the 90s were so amazing?
16. Why are hangovers so bad now?
17. Who decided that we should have to work anyways? *starts researching hippy communes*
18. I wonder if I’ll ever know what I’m doing…
19. Why are all the cool jobs the unpaid ones?
20. Seriously…is this it?
So the good news is that (apparently) it all works itself out, and you leave that awkward mini adult stage and become an actual functioning member of society. Bad news is that it takes time, tears and possibly a few impulse decisions, and a lot of sitting around muttering ‘what the fuck’ until you sort it out.
p.s no-one is ever too old for Topshop/Topman or too successful for a good bottle of Glen’s Vodka.